If You’re Cold, They’re Cold. Bring Them Inside.

If you’re cold, they’re cold.

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Bring them inside.

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I Won’t Be Going Back To Little India On Downing In Denver Again

Usually I can separate a single bad experience from a restaurant, but tonight was unpleasant enough that I won’t be going back to Little India on Downing in Denver again. Thanks, Jairan A. You made tonight dis-pleasingly memorable.

We still hadn’t gotten our drinks by the time the food arrived. We had to ask the guy who brought out our food about our drinks, and he said he’d get our waitress. Ten minutes later, she finally brought our drinks. That was good, because my order wasn’t right and it took that long to be able to tell her so she could go fix it.

That was the first she’d stopped by since the food had arrived, no check to be sure it was okay at all.

So, I got to sit and watch my wife eat while the naan and rice got cold. Eventually, my fixed dinner arrived. We hadn’t seen the waitress again since then. About ten minutes after that, halfway through me eating, she finally stopped by to check whether it was okay this time. Good thing, because I finally had a chance to ask for a second drink.

Seriously, we counted and the other servers were going to each of their tables about 5 or 6 times for each 1 time we saw our waitress.

Meanwhile, my wife wasn’t doing much better. Half of the lamb chunks in her food were okay, but half were so tough that she couldn’t even cut them with a knife. It was just bad.

Then the waitress showed up to take our plates away. Ten minutes later is the next time we see her when she’s trying to run through their desserts, which she hadn’t even asked if we wanted to hear about. We tell her we want the check and she actually says that we’ll have to give her a minute.

More like another ten.

Finally we were able to pay and get out of there. I never did get more than two drinks. It was just bad, bad enough that I won’t be going back to Little India on Downing in Denver. It’s sad, because they were really good the last two times we went there. I just won’t be able to forget this if I try to eat there again. It’d just poison the dinner.

I already had to pay for the privilege of having a dinner that just made me angry. I would have rather stayed home and eaten TV dinners out of the fridge.

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McCarthy Picked To Star In Tinker Bell Movie Headline Confuses Me

I saw a headline recently mentioning that McCarthy was picked to star in the new Tinker Bell movie. That’s all I saw, just that much information. I was confused.

Upon further research, there is apparently an as of yet untitled movie about Tinker Bell that Melissa McCarthy has been supposedly picked to star in.

However, my first thought on seeing the headline was that they were talking about Joseph McCarthy:

This seemed inappropriate for a number of reasons.

For one, Joe’s dead. That could make difficult for filming. For another, he doesn’t really strike me as a Tinker Bell type. This could depend on individual interpretation, but still. Unless Tink plans to ferret out communists in the Lost Boys, Joe seemed an odd choice.

In the end though, I’m glad the film people weren’t as confused as me. I’m betting a Tinker Bell movie with Melissa McCarthy will be a lot funnier than one with Joseph McCarthy. Well, a Joe one could be funny too…but for different and less appropriate reasons.

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Does Russia Have A Space Weapon?

I just saw an article speculating about whether or not Russia has an orbital space weapon. I have some bad news founded on absolutely no information whatsoever. It’s true.

My sources may or may not have informed me that Russian university students have secretly overcome a design problem and created a laser that can produce an estimated six megawatts of power. This wouldn’t be too much on its own, but my sources also may or may not have indicated that another Russian student built a circular precision mirror one meter in diameter with a virtually 100 per cent reflective, one micron thick, film applied thereto. Maybe the engineers don’t have to figure out a use for it…may someone already has a use for it, one for which it’s perfectly designed.

Looks at the facts: very high power, portable, limited firing time, unlimited range. All you’d need is a big spinning mirror and you could vaporize a human target from space. (Apologies to Lazlo Hollyfeld.)

Our only hope is that the first group of Russian students will realize what’s going on, find out when the weapon is going to be tested, and change the coordinates to their professor’s house…where they’ve conveniently placed a huge tin of popcorn. I only hope they have enough montages available.

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Recommendations For Mark Allen Berryhill

I mentioned recently about the debacle that ensued when bizzaro fiction writer Mark Allen Berryhill attempted to take a greyhound bus to BizarroCon 2014. I may have suggested some more interesting ways that the universe could delay Mark beyond weather and accidents should he ever take a bus again.

This was not particularly sensitive to Mark.

As such, I thought we should do something nice for Mark.  As such, here are some recommendations for him that might sooth him from his recent stress:

- The Wayward Bus, John Steinbeck

- The Bus Driver Who Wanted To Be God & Other Stories, Etgar Keret (a bus is involved in the titular story)

- The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Tom Wolfe (all about Ken Kesey and his band of Merry Pranksters travelling across the country in a colorfully painted school bus named “Furthur”)

The Great Divorce, C. S. Lewis (a Christian allegorical tale about a bus ride from hell to heaven)

- Speed (not a book, but this movie of a bus that will explode if its speed drops to less than 50 miles per hour is too good here to pass up)

 

Well, nobody ever said I didn’t have a mean streak in my humor.

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Ways That the Universe Could Mess With Mark Allen Berryhill

BizarroCon 2014 wrapped up this last Sunday. Though I didn’t attend the convention, I was following along with a bizarre set of related circumstances that formed an odd parallel to the convention.

You see, bizarro fiction writer Mark Allen Berryhill provided live updates of what turned out to be a bizarre attempt to get to the convention on a greyhound bus. Originally scheduled to arrive sometime in the early afternoon on the 13th, I believe due to various disasters (route delays due to buses being unable to travel through storms, buses he had to wait to catch being delayed due to storms, the bus he was on getting hit by another vehicle, and/or other similar such) he arrived in on the morning of the 15th. The convention ended on the 16th.

However, that isn’t what I want to talk about here. Mark has already talked about the debacle. What I want to talk about is how unimaginative the universe proved to be. Storm route delays? Buses for the next part of the route arriving late due to storms? Accidents caused by storms? It’s all the same thing. BORING!

Clearly, the universe needs a little help coming up with other things to delay Mark with should he ever take a greyhound again. Here are some ideas:

- Mark is exposed to radiation causing him to morph into a green, incredibly strong and anger-filled monster every time he gets angry, resulting in Mark having to roam the country and not reach his scheduled destination until he learns to control the terrible rage that dwells within him.

- A dimensional portal opens due to the occurrence of the “greatest earthquake ever known,” causing Mark’s bus to be swept down a thousand foot waterfall (and backwards through time) into a dinosaur filled past.

- An experiment of Mark’s goes awry and he has to take the place of other people, putting right what once went wrong, until he finally makes the leap that takes him to his actual destination.

- Two words: the Doctor.

- The infinite improbability drive of a passing spacecraft turns Mark’s bus into a sperm whale and a bowl of petunias.

There you go universe. Plenty of ideas to work with. Let’s keep Mark’s life interesting. Don’t be so lazy next time.

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I Can’t Be The Only One Who’s Twelve Here

Okay, I can’t be the only one with the mind of a twelve year old here…I keep laughing about this.

Storms on Uranus? Storms on Uranus that are considered extreme for gassy giants? Gassy giants? Uranus? There’s something going on under the surface of Uranus?

Yeah, I keep giggling. I totally have that juvenile a sense of humor. Sorry.

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