Temptation To Forge Apartment Notices

At an apartment I lived at a number of years ago, I happened to come home one day to find an official notice from the leasing company on the door. The notice indicated that grilling was no longer allowed on balcony areas. That in and of itself didn’t bother me, the buildings and balconies were made of shitty wood and one of them had already burned down from someone leaving their grill unattended. What bothered me was the note itself.

After all, this was supposed to be a commandment from the leasing company. However, the note was clearly just a document printed out from Microsoft Word. There was no official letterhead, nothing difficult to fake and nothing to prove that it came from the leasing company. We just had to take it on faith that grilling was now not allowed in balcony areas.

Frankly, I could have easily walked over to my computer, figured out what font they had used, and started printing off my own notices that looked just like that one. The temptation to do so was awful. Then I would have just had to go put them on people’s doors and let them debate whether they were official or not.

I debated notices that said things like:

- Instead of mailing rental checks to the previously identified address, all rent shall be paid in cash left behind the building one dumpster. Don’t worry about identifying payments, we’ll figure out who you are.

- Laundry areas are not to be used for anal sex. Please restrict anal sex to the common areas.

- These apartments are now a free-drug zone. If you plan to use drugs, please bring enough home to share with other residents.

- Due to power rationing, it is now apartment policy that even-numbered apartments may only use power on even-numbered days and odd-numbered apartments may only use electricity on odd-numbered days. Your compliance is appreciated.

- As a result of last night’s televised broadcast of Animal Farm, these apartments are now a commune. Please report to the pool area on Monday morning for work assignments.

Luckily, I was far too lazy to put this all into action. However, given how easy they made it to fake official notices, I think I would have been legally justified in doing so. I certainly could have had a bit of fun. Wouldn’t everyone agree?

About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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