Ruined Nacho Palate

I was just thinking about how 7-11 ruined my nacho palate.

Wonder what I mean? I was just craving nachos. I often crave nachos, but it rarely works out when I try to satisfy that. I order nachos all over the place, receiving giant piles of all kinds of high quality chips covered in various things like real melted cheese, sour cream, olives, green onions, beans, and whatever (depending on where I am). However, I’m immediately disappointed. Why?

What I’m craving is 7-11 nachos.

That’s right, I want cheap corn chips covered in a “cheese” sauce that is warm, but would still be pretty much liquid at room temperature and comes in a can. Nothing fancy, nothing with actual decent ingredients. I’m actually disappointed when I get real decent food on this.

7-11 nachos ruined my nacho palate.

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My Oatmeal Mod

I shared this on Facebook the other day, but I’m still too pleased with it to not share it here as well. Someone asked me Monday morning whether I was going to watch the presidential debate that night or not. Instantly, I thought back to the final panel of one of my all time favorite comics from The Oatmeal. I couldn’t resist modifying it in paint accordingly and posting:

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I love The Oatmeal. That panel works for so many things.

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I Have No Idea Why I Did This: Däniken Yogurt

I have no idea why I did this. There’s only a certain group running across this who are going to even know who Erich von Däniken is. Of those, probably none will think this is funny.

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I don’t know. For some reason, this is what I think of when I hear his name. Granted, that rarely happens at all…but still.

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You Know What? Screw it.

You know what? Screw it.

It’s not going to help anyway. (Rather than have me explain, feel free to apply this to whatever you feel like, within reason.)

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Why Do I Find This So Soothing?

Why do I find this so soothing?

I do. I love that music, if nothing else. Given how rotten I was at this game, you’d think it’d stress me out. It doesn’t though. Probably nostalgia. I’m sure I’d get stressed again if I started playing once the game started kicking the crap out of me again.

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Describe Myself With Three Fictional Characters? Whatever. I Do What I Want.

Describe myself with three fictional characters?

Whatever, I do what I want.

Yeah, I did this on Facebook about a week ago. For an explanation why I’m doing it again, see immediately above.

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Once Bitten at the Fbomb! Tuesday October 18 at 7 PM! Mercury Cafe Denver!

Once Bitten at the Fbomb!

It’s been thirty years since Jim Carrey first brought us the magic of vampire T&A 80s comedy (as well as the pull of attractive older women on strapping young men). Well, actually thirty-one now…but last October we celebrated Back to the Future so Jim had to wait a year.

Regardless, it’s time to recognize in true Fbomb fashion. By that we mean everyone should dress in non-vampire costumes and congratulate each other on their vampire costumes, to which the complimented should respond: “I’m not wearing a costume!” Bizarro authors Danger Slater, Eirik Gumeny, and Karl Fischer will be traveling in from Portland, Albuquerque, and Boulder, respectively, to help us commemorate the occasion with the seriousness and decorum it sincerely deserves, and to help us award cool prizes for the three best non-vampire costumes.

Don’t miss it! Be sure to sign up on the Facebook event page so we know you’re coming. Show starts at 7:30 at the Mercury Cafe (2199 California St, Denver, Colorado 80205).  Show up a little early to sign up for the open mic portion.

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Danger Slater is the world’s most flammable writer! He writes with a lot of exclamation points! He is your favorite writer! You love him! Danger is the author of Love Me, I Will Rot Without You, Puppet Skin, and more. He is well known throughout the Bizarro Fiction scene and is generally considered a menace by people who frown a lot and have respectable jobs. Check out The Danger Show at http://dangerslater.blogspot.com/, unless you want to admit that the communists in the French government have already gotten to you.

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Eirik Gumeny is the author of the Exponential Apocalypse series. His short fiction can be found all over the internet and in various anthologies, and he has contributed to Cracked.com and Atlas Obscura. He is an avid fan of both Shakespeare and fart jokes. His website is egumeny.com.

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Karl Fischer is a writer and crazy person living in Colorado with his wife and their two fat dog children. He is the author of Towers (Eraserhead Press) and is part of the New Bizarro Author Series. He likes bad movies, fantastic movies, black coffee, and stories that make him cry.

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