My bologna has a first name. It also has a dead end job, a crippling mortgage, and several concerning moles. My bologna has a two car garage, an expanded basic cable package, and a vague dissatisfaction with the way Alf ended. It has joo joo eyeball, toe jam football, monkey finger, and hair down to its knee. It has an existential crisis centering on the disappearance of Ripple from the liquor section of its local supermarket. It’s got the Mott’s.
Bologna can have all sorts of things when you don’t eat it. I generally avoid eating bologna. Don’t even know why I have it in the first place.
I have a Tide pod confession. My confession is that I have never had any urge to eat a Tide pod. I have had the urge to pop them, like bubble wrap perhaps, but it has never occurred to me to consider eating them.
I’m still hoping no one is really doing this and the stuff I’ve been seeing recently is urban legend and people being gullible that someone might really do this.
Don’t disabuse me of this if I am wrong.
I have this urge to make a fake twitter parody account that’s a pretend ultra conservative version of Half an Onion in a Bag. It would be called “The Other Half” and would be something like Christians for Michele Bachmann. I figured I could use Half an Onion in a Bag‘s picture, but add a mustache to go for the whole Star Trek evil twin thing.
Too bad I’m lazy and the urge is the furthest this goes. It sounds fun, but it’d be far too much work.
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Remember yesterday when I asked what band I was and showed these four pictures?
Here’s the answer:
Yeah, I know. This was awful.
You might want to stand back for this. Somehow, the wheel on the back of our Dyson Animal DC25 broke off (no idea, found it that sitting where we’d left it, looked like someone had glued it at some point so perhaps one of our house guests/cleaners over the years but neither my wife nor I had any idea what had happened) and it looks like I need to replace the stabilizer. I’m not exactly a handy kind of guy.
I think I’ve ordered the right part. It arrived and now I need to put it on. What will happen? Will I break it worse than it already is? Will I manage to get this all assembled and disassembled correctly? Will this end life on the planet?
We’ll have to see. I’m writing this before I begin. I have no idea how this will go.