Is It Really Necessary To Specify The Length Of The Pier Or The Walk?

I was just thinking about that old phrase “take a long walk off a short pier.” I get the gist, “go away.” The idea is that you’ll walk off the pier and drown (metaphorically) or something. However, is it really necessary to specify that the walk is long or that the pier is short? Doesn’t the “off” part convey everything?

I think the other words are redundant.

After all, if you walk “off” the pier, you’ve already gone into the water. The walk was clearly long enough and the pier clearly short enough, since the word “off” is involved. Lengthening the walk or shortening the pier beyond that would just change how far out into the water the person got.

Does that even matter?

Why not just “take a walk off a pier?”

Perhaps a boat is at the end of the pier. Perhaps a big cruise ship and the person is supposed to keep walking once on board, get as far away as possible. That somehow doesn’t seem as insulting as telling them to walk off into the water though, potentially drowning or some such thing.

“Take a long walk on a short pier” would at least make a little more sense to have length modifiers. After all, without “off” one might actually have to specify that the walk goes off the pier. “Long” for the walk and “short” for the pier would function to take care of that when the walk is just “on” the pier.

I’m betting at least someone is wishing I’d walk off a pier myself right about now.

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Did You Know Christopher Columbus Predicted The Apocalypse?

Did you know that Christopher Columbus predicted the apocalypse? The most recent failed apocalypse prediction got me interested in other predictions and I found a list on Wikipedia detailing well over a hundred different major failed predictions (as well as some still yet to come). I expected to see people on that list such as Harold Camping, Jeane L. Dixon, Edgar Cayce, Ruth Montgomery, and so on. However, a few, such as Christopher Columbus, came as a bit of a surprise.

It’s true though. Apparently Christopher Columbus  wrote a book called Book of Prophecies that incorrectly predicted the end of the world (according to the list) in both 1656 and 1658. I never knew that.

Martin Luther? Him too. 1600. I was raised a Lutheran and I never knew that.

Sir Isaac Newton?!!!! A famous physicist and mathematician making rapture predictions? At least his isn’t until 2060, but I’m still thinking he’s wrong.

There’s a number of surprises on the list, even beyond the sheer number or the fact that the first mentioned was as far back as 66-70 CE (or AD for those of us more used to that convention). I know people have long been obsessed with the apocalypse, but this was surprising even to me.

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Another one! Every time I turn around there’s another apocalypse prediction! Just stop it already! We’ve already had one a month ago! JUST STOP IT!!!!

“Christian group predicts the world will be ‘annihilated’ on Wednesday”

I’m frickin’ sick of this!!!!

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Less Than Five Months Now Until “Not Quite so Stories” Releases!

It’s looking more and more like the tentative release date of March 1, 2016 for Not Quite so Stories (my new short story collection forthcoming from Literary Wanderlust) is going to stay on target! That means it’s less than five months until the book will likely be available! I’m excited. Are you getting excited?

We should start having goodies for you soon on this. Maybe the cover will be next. Keep your eyes out. Great things are in the works.

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I’m Famous!

I was reading the Tin House email about early readers loving The New and Improved Romie Futch by Julia Elliott. I noticed that the ‘David’ review looked familiar. Suddenly it hit me…that’s me! They must have quoted from my goodreads review.


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Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!

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Ironic Use Of Stock Photo

I happened to see an article recently titled “4 reasons why independent bookstores are thriving.” The article is cool and all, and I have no issues with the content whatsoever. The image accompanying the article amused me though. The selection of it seemed a little ironic, given the subject of the piece (I mean no offense to the author of the article, who likely didn’t choose the image).

The photo is clearly a stock image. A TinEye reverse image search lists it showing up as far back as February 5, 2013. However, the reason this intrigued me is that it appears to be a photo of the second floor of the Tattered Cover Lodo store in Denver.

Tattered Cover isn’t mentioned in the article, but the TinEye reverse image search does pair the image with older articles that are about, or at least mention, the Tattered Cover. Besides, I was virtually certain I recognized the store. I’ve spent a lot of time there, particularly on the second floor of the historic Lodo location.

At first I thought I might be mistaken, bookstores in historic buildings look similar, but you can see the sign in front of the corridor at the far back indicating that the event space is closed. I really know that exact spot at Tattered Cover. It’s definitely the Tattered Cover, and it’s definitely the second floor of the Lodo location. No other store had that. Not Colfax, the airport store, or Highlands Ranch while that was still around before it moved to Aspen Grove (admittedly I haven’t been to Aspen Grove yet). No, unless I’m seriously mistaken, that’s second floor at the Lodo store. That hallway and sign are distinctive.

So what’s the ironic part? Well, the second floor doesn’t exist anymore (as part of the Tattered Cover complete with books and all that shown, the floor itself still physically exists as part of the building). The Lodo store is still there, but occupies only the ground floor. Tattered Cover had to give up use of the second. And, unless I’m seriously misled, they had to give up the second floor due to the rising costs of downtown Denver real estate. There were condos or office spaces or some such thing that would pay more than it made sense for Tattered Cover to pay.

See how this might be an ironic photo choice for an article about how independent bookstores are thriving? A depiction of a space that an independent bookstore had to give up due to monetary concerns?

Sure, it in no way refutes the article. Many independent bookstores are thriving, and rightfully so. That’s a good thing. However, thriving in their industry isn’t the same thing as thriving enough to compete in the condo and office space market in a place such as downtown Denver. They aren’t thriving that much, and probably wouldn’t dream of being able to do so.

It’s just funny that they used an image for a space an independent bookstore couldn’t afford to keep for an article about how independent bookstores are thriving. That strikes me as ironic and amusing, unless I’ve pulled an Alanis.

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