Grocery Stores Are Responsible For Archie

Grocery stores are the only reason I have any idea what Archie is. Probably Richie Rich too. I’ve thought about this and I’m firmly convinced that I wouldn’t even know these comics otherwise.

Remember the impulse buy aisles at grocery stores? Candy, magazines, comics and such. Ever present, at least as I remember it, are comics such as Archie and Richie Rich.

Did I like these comics? No, they were garbage as far as I was concerned. The plots were all crap, the art was terrible (due at least in part to the awful printing used), and almost everything had been recycled about a billion times. Even if I’d wanted to read them, I could have probably had it all from one year because it would just be reused in the next. But…did I pester my parents to buy them? Yes.

I wanted comics. We walked by these ones all the time. As such, I was conned into thinking I wanted them. I them attempted to con my parents, sometimes successfully. I even read them when I got them.

Yet, I still didn’t want them. They were awful. The only reason I got them is because they were in the impulse buy aisle and nothing else better was there.

I firmly believe that the grocery store impulse buy aisle is the only reason I ever read Archie and Richie Rich. If there had been anything decent in that aisle I never would have pesetered my parents to buy either. God knows I never would have gone out of my way to get them. We need grocery store impulse buy aisle reform.

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I Don’t Own Emotion, I Rent

Well, the wife and I aren’t property owners anymore for the moment. We’ve closed on the old place we just sold and are leasing until we close on the new place (got to wait until it’s finished). For a little bit at least, we don’t own emotion. We rent.

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I Think Of “The Simpsons” Every Time I See Something About The Arsenic Wine

Everything makes me think of The Simpsons. Have you been seeing those articles talking about the lawsuit over arsenic levels in wines? I don’t know if they’re true or not, and I don’t drink anymore anyway, so I’m not too concerned. However, I do think of The Simpsons each and every time I see one.

Don’t you remember “The Crepes of Wrath” episode? That’s the one where Bart goes to France as an exchange student, only to be paired with low budget winemakers who plan to use him as a slave and put anti-freeze in their wine.

Now, arsenic and anti-freeze are completely different things and are in the respective wines for completely different reasons, but can’t you see how my brain might determine there’s a link? I see it…do you see it?

The universe is always making Simpsons references.

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My Wife Didn’t Understand She Was Joking

I was bored for a moment the other night because the book I was reading was wearing on me a bit, so I was bugging my wife for conversation. She was busy trying to read something at the time, so she got a little irritated. “All right,” she said. “We can talk about which kind of slats we want for the bed we’re going to get from IKEA for the spare bedroom.” She knew I didn’t want to talk about that and was just being facetious to drive me off so I’d leave her alone.

It worked.

I went and found something else to do. However, when I returned a little while later, she began presenting the various slat options (there must have been at least two, but I’m not clear on this or what they were). Apparently, she’d switched from messing with me to actually wanting to talk to me about it.

“You don’t seem to understand,” I replied, “you were joking.”

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Zayn Malik has left One Direction????!!!!!!

Zayn Malik has left One Direction???!!! When did this happen? Why? How did I not know about this? Is no one doing anything about it?

Wait a minute…who is Zayn Malik? For that matter…what the heck is One Direction?

That’s right, I almost forgot: I have no idea. I also don’t care. Whew! That was a close one.

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I Had To Apologize To My Wife Because I Missed The Difference Between Chicken

I had to apologize to my wife recently because I apparently don’t know the difference between chicken. It was my fault and I was sincerely sorry.

We’d recently bought some Evol frozen dinners. I saw one in the freezer the other night and made it. When my wife saw me, she was a bit upset. Apparently, I’d bought the Evol chicken tikka masala dinner. What I’d made, however, was the Evol chicken tandori dinner…one she’d bought. She didn’t like the Evol chicken tikka masala (which I’d left available for her to eat) and did like the Evol chicken tandori (which I’d used up).

I didn’t even notice the difference. I saw “Evol” and “chicken” in the freezer upstairs (turns out mine had gotten put in the deep freeze way down in the basement) and grabbed it, thinking it was mine.

Frankly, the chicken tandori was better.

Regardless, I still owed her an apology (and gave it) since I’d eaten her frozen dinner and left in its place one she wouldn’t eat. I think we should just buy the tandori from now on and leave the chicken masala at the store.

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The Relevance Of My Facebook News Feed Is Not Constant

I just wanted to tell everybody, the relevance of items of my Facebook news feed is not constant. If I have lots of time and have scrolled through recently, many things are going to be relevant. However, if I am rushed and have a ton to scroll through (particularly while feeling rushed), relevance goes down. I will quickly scroll by things I would otherwise have paid attention to.

Why can’t Facebook account for that?

Anyway, I just wanted my Facebook people to know that, since this phenomenon can cause me to miss seeing updates when I’m rushed that I would otherwise see when not rushed.  People may note that I’m posting this to my blog instead of Facebook. That’s so I can consider my Facebook friends notified but run less risk of getting complained at for the fact that I do this.

Everyone can consider themselves notified.

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