Dear Anonymous Person at the Mall: I Hate You

Okay, right off the bat I want to acknowledge that much of the time I’m an a-hole.  I realize this probably doesn’t do much to mitigate this fact for people, but at least I acknowledge it.  I like to think that counts for something.

However, one thing I try to be is courteous.  I realize that I’m usually much more in a hurry than most people.  I know it; I have a lot I’m trying to get done.  I rush too much and I should really slow down a little.

Still, I try to take people around me into account when I’m moving around.  I hurry across streets so that turning cars can go.  I stay to the side of sidewalks so people can get around me easy and can get where they are going too.  If I need to stop, I’m careful to step out of the way so I’m not blocking anyone.

I seem to be in the minority in this respect.  The lack of consideration for other people needing to get places appears to be epidemic.  I see more and more people blocking entire pathways, sauntering as they like or stopping even without any regard for the people walking behind them.  Particularly at malls or in traffic.  Let me just say now, I hate these people with every fiber of my being and curse them to the seventh generation of their descendants and ancestors.

Why is it so hard not to block traffic?  I wouldn’t for the world make other people go at my pace.  They can go whatever pace they like.  I acknowledge their right.  So, why do they have to try to make me fit their pace?  Why do they have to block my way, making me miss shuttles and not get to the bathrooms I urgently need?  Frankly, there is no answer other than they are poor excuses for human beings and have no regard for anyone but themselves.

This behavior is inexcusable.  I’m not sure my curses are enough.  I certainly utter them with frequency, but they seem to have little effect.  Clearly more drastic steps are necessary.

Therefore, I will now cut this blog short in order to draft legislation requiring the immediate execution and/or sterilization of such people which I will then begin lobbying to my state and federal congresspeople.  I am normally a pacifist by nature, but this has gone too far.  I know this might be perceived as somewhat of a hard line stance, but I argue that it is necessary.  Perhaps more people will be won over to my cause if I include miscreants who don’t use their turn signals in traffic and merge into other lanes without first checking to see if the lanes are free.  This all must stop, even if the death penalty is the recourse we must resort to.  After all, we’re all in this together.

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About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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2 Responses to Dear Anonymous Person at the Mall: I Hate You

  1. Nissa says:

    My favorite part of this blog is the first sentence 🙂

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