Not All Strippers are Created Equal

One might think that one stripper is as good as another, that when guys want to see strippers any will do.  Men are dogs, right?  They just want to go and look at “it” for a while so the stripper in particular doesn’t matter, right?  Wrong.  Strippers are not created equal.  One particular stripper is not interchangeable for another.  There are important differences that must be kept in mind.

Now, I had decided since the stripper theme was so popular to do an entire week of stripper-related posts.  The week has come to an end, though, and so this will be my last stripper post for a while before moving onto other topics.  I think that is ironic, since I am in Las Vegas today.  Seems to me all the more fodder for stripper posts, but I feel like starting to talk about other things.

Anyway, getting back to the topic of stripper differentiation, a friend and I went to a place called Dream Girls one time.  He wanted to go out to a strip club and we didn’t feel like driving a long way, so we went to this place.  Omaha city limits means bikinis at most (go-go bar as opposed to actual strip club) instead of topless or nude, but my friend was willing to make that suffice.  Particularly since the topless places in Council Bluffs were closed that day. 

Now, we got a beer at the bar before choosing a table so we could start drinking right away instead of waiting for a waitress to bring us one.  Not a big thing, just didn’t want to wait for the first beer.  If a strip club is crowded you can wait a long time for that first beer, since that really isn’t the point anyway.  We noticed while we got the beer that the stripper on stage was pretty homely.  Not a big deal, but neither of us really wanted to stare at her.  This was okay, though.  There are a lot of different kinds of people out there and everybody has different tastes.  While we didn’t think she was that great, maybe someone else did.  If not, well…all strip clubs seem to have at least one stripper working who isn’t quite as attractive as the others.  The point of a strip club is stripping, not beauty, and if nothing else one somewhat frumpy stripper may make the others seem better by comparison.  Either way, we took our beers and found a table.

Then the next stripper came on stage and all our hopes that the previous stripper was the ugly one went right out the window.  This one was downright bad.  I may not be in the best shape, but I don’t claim to be a stripper.  The media portrays a false sense of how people should look, but there are limits if you are going to take your clothes off in public.  Voluptuous or even possibly rubenesque may be find, but a strippers legs should not have visible lumps the size of marbles.  The idea of perfection is ludicrous and indefinable and our unique aspects can frankly make us more desirable as human beings, but you should not get up on stage if you have significant acne on your ass.  I’m just saying.

For a few moments, my friend and I just stared up in horror.  I will give this to that stripper, she felt comfortable about her body.  My friend and I, however, did not.  She might not even have been the worst this particular strip club had to offer.  The worst might have been yet to come.  We were afraid.  We both immediately chugged our beers, slammed them down on the table, and walked out.

You pay extra for beer at a strip club because you are paying for something to look at.  You don’t pay six bucks a beer or whatever it was to sit and stare at something horrifying while you drink.  Contrary to popular belief, men do have some standards.  Not everybody has to look alike, has to be under a certain weight, has to not have bodily imperfections.  But, at the same time, not everybody should take their clothes off in the middle of a bar and dance.  Of course, there are bars for that sort of thing I am sure because whatever there is out there, there are people who are into it.  My friend and I, however, were not.

About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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2 Responses to Not All Strippers are Created Equal

  1. ashley says:

    what are you talking about the fat girls at bottoms up. Lol I know but they made more money then me and I’m not ugly

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