Doom is coming to Nebraska. You know it. I know it. It’s coming.
I lived in Nebraska a long time. If I learned one rule, it is that it is the life of Nebraskans to suffer God’s wrath in the form of weather. There’s no escaping it. They deserve it for some undetected sin. It’s happening. Further, if there is good weather now, it is a sure sign that even worse weather is coming later. 80’s and low humidity in July means that August will be measured using meat thermometers. It’s just the way things are.
So I go back to Nebraska for the holidays. There are a few flurries, but no blizzard. It’s cold, but I don’t need anything more than my insulated hoody the whole time I’m there. No wool coat or gloves required. The whole time. At Christmas. That’s a bad sign.
Frankly, it can only mean one thing. The apocalypse is coming to Nebraska. Soon. It’s the only thing that can balance out the required amount of weather suffering that Nebraskans have yet to suffer this year. Nothing else will suffice other than brimstone and pits of flame. The end of times.
Now, I don’t know for sure whether the rest of the world will have to suffer as well or if the imminent apocalypse will be restricted entirely to Nebraska. I expect the latter. Regardless, Nebraskans need to get ready. Of course, the Nebraskan way is to nod and endure whatever stoically, but they should at least get ready to do that. It’s coming.