Most people know that Labyrinth was a kick ass movie and David Bowie was cool as hell in it (anyone who disagrees probably accidentally saw Krull instead and was not aware of the mistake). What people may not know, is why David Bowie was cast in the role. Sure, David Bowie kicked ass in the role, but that isn’t the end of it. There are other reasons. Reasons people don’t know.
Of course, some people say that people don’t know those reasons because I’m making them up. To those people I say, “Touché.” However, here is a partial list of the secret (because I’m making them up) reasons why David Bowie was cast in Labyrinth:
– They saved a fortune on costumes. They never actually designed or made a single one for David Bowie. He never thought they were actually filming, just doing rehearsals, so he just showed up in whatever he was wearing around the house that day. It worked, so the crew just went with it.
– They never had to worry about special effects. That whole thing with making a crystal ball appear where you can see your fondest desire or the bit with turning into an owl, that’s all a glandular condition aggravated by severe makeup poisoning. Sure, it looked cool, but it was actually quite painful for him. However, he is doing much better now.
– There was no risk that they’d run over on production schedule. Anytime they were getting behind, David Bowie would just turn time upside-down until they got back on track. Yep, that wasn’t special effects either. Just something he does now and again. He isn’t quite sure how it works, but it works so he doesn’t ask too many questions. The crew liked it so much, they even put it in the movie. I mean, sure, every time he does it someone has to say “Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me.” in order to get things to go back to normal, but that wasn’t too bad once they finally got it memorized. They had a few fun days before they got the bit down pat, though.
– David Bowie always brings sandwiches for the rest of the cast of whatever movie he’s working on. Admittedly, they are those weird L.A. kind of sandwiches with all the preserved peppers instead of meat, but everybody thinks it’s a real thoughtful thing to do.
– Frankly, they didn’t have a choice. After David Bowie kidnapped the casting director’s baby brother and took him to his castle at the center of the goblin city, it was the only way to get the child back.
There. Now you know the real (quote/unquote, since I’m feeling no compulsion to stick to the truth on any of these) reasons why David Bowie was cast in Labyrinth. Of course, these are only some of the “reasons.” I may post others if I decide to make up more. After all, that movie kicked ass.