Okay, years of watching Monty Python has finally ruined all sense of decency and sensitivity that I might once have possessed. I just heard about a dead cow washing up on a beach in West Seattle, and my first thought was that this was hysterical.
I mean, I’m just imagining this thing. Two guys walking on a beach, one drinking a mineral water, and there’s a dead cow. A 400 pound dead cow, as the article I read reported. I’ve seen dead fish wash up on beaches. Dead jellyfish. Dead starfish. All that stuff. But cows?
The brain boggles at how it got in the water to being with. Perhaps the cow had inadvisably gone swimming within twenty minutes of chewing its cud. Maybe this was a casualty of an underwater cow invasion force that will shortly subject us all to their bovine will (the dairy lobby is already too powerful so we can see where the roots of this menace are).
A wild animal would make more sense. There are a lot of small islands around there where a wild animal could fall in and drown. Then, the sea could wash it up quite a ways away. But a cow? You think most people who have cows would have a pretty good idea where they were and not keep them where they could fall in the ocean or whatnot. I think that is a basic principle of ranching, don’t put your cows where they could fall in the ocean.
The article suggests that the owner might have dumped the cow in the ocean after it died of natural causes, but that doesn’t make me feel particularly safe. I’m not sure where there are big ranching operations up near Seattle, but it seems that the ocean would be a ways to go to dispose of a dead cow. Not to mention possibly illegal. I’m sure there are regulations on the disposal of dead cattle, not to mention that a cow dying of natural causes is probably not such a natural thing anymore.
I also kind of want to know where the cow was found. The article just says it washed up on the beach and then later the tide dragged it in front of a home. But, where? I know West Seattle pretty good. Was it Weather Watch Park? Alki Beach? Lowman? That little beach by the lighthouse? I realize that this is totally irrelevant, but I kind of want to know.
Regardless, I just can’t stop giggling with the image of a massive dead cow washing up on a beach. It’s just such an odd image that it seems funny, regardless of my sympathies for the poor cow. I guess I’m just a bad person. I blame Monty Python. And Ralph Snart.