One of my friends had a game where he’d make up a quote for somebody famous, pass it off as the real thing, and then see if anybody noticed. I caught him when he ripped off the Socrates “I drank what?” bit from Real Genius. After that, I played the game as well. Why not? The things famous people said that got remembered surely is only a small part of all the things they said in their lives. They had to have said other things.
For instance, as Leon Trotsky once said (no he didn’t): “Who are you people and where the hell are my pants?”
Also, did you know that Martha Washington once remarked (no she didn’t): “I don’t care WHAT you get them to write in the constitution, George, you’re still not putting that thing in there.”
Sure, proving that these people actually said these quotes might be difficult to prove. However, at the same time, they are almost impossible to disprove. It might have been unlikely that your long dead patsy once said something, but their entire lives were not recorded. It is within the realms of possibility. Thus, you are free to make up whatever quote fits your need and attribute it to the person who suits your current mood.
I mean, did you know that Vince Lombardi once quipped (in no way did he ever): “Football shmootball. I just like watching all those tight asses as they run across the field.”
Or, do you remember when Queen Victoria had occasion to say (this never happened): “Man, FUCK Albert!”
It really is quite liberating. I suggest you give it a try and see how fun it is. It is certainly a lot less work than memorizing a bunch of stuffy things dead people once said and then trying to remember one that happens to be applicable to a current conversation. Total snores-ville. Fiction is more fun. Extra points if other people are fooled and unknowingly start referencing your quote as it its real.
Frankly, it’s just as Christopher Columbus once told his first mate (this is utterly untrue): “West Indies? Hell, we’ll just tell the bitches that we found it. What? Are they going to go and check?”