I am stumped. I really am. I really do not understand why so many people are all excited about Prince William marrying Kate Middleton. But they seem to be. They really seem to be. It’s as inexplicable as how Captain Crunch cereal stays crispy in milk.
Now, I could understand a little bit if this was just people in the UK. After all, figureheads or not, this is their prince. But, it isn’t. It’s a whole crapload of Americans as well. Craploads and craploads. Some of us don’t care and are utterly sick of hearing about it, but others are watching in rapt interest. Devouring news article after news article, video clip after video clip.
Frankly, I don’t think Prince William and Kate Middleton are even that interesting. They’re just two people I’ve heard the names of in the media, but I don’t know of them having done anything to make them interesting to me. Sure, Billy boy is the son of Prince Charles and Lady Di, but that’s about it as far as I’m concerned.
I do remember everybody being just as crazed about Prince Charles marrying Lady Di, though for the life of me I can’t remember why. I really can’t see why Americans are still so into this royal wedding after the Charles and Di one went so bad. The romantic idea of royalty was done. Over. Finished. Caput. Not even interesting anymore, they’re just as crappy as most of the rest of us.
The only thing I can think of is that this another case of the pointless American obsession with royalty. For some reason, despite the fact that the whole idea of our country (at least officially) was to move beyond the potential tyranny and inequality of royalty, we are obsessed with it. Can’t get enough. Americans will fall for any scam to buy themselves a royal title, however suspect. They will follow any ridiculous stories about royalty.
I can understand to some extent. I’d love a royal title. I don’t know why. I’m even a Baron of the Principality of Sealand. Sure, it’s garbage, but it was 20 bucks and it was funny while I was studying for an international law exam to debate whether the Principality of Sealand was actually able to declare itself a sovereign territory under international law (well, they don’t have any actual “land”). I’m not even sure it is legal for a U.S. citizen to accept a real royal title, or that any country is really willing to give us a real one anyway.
But this is ridiculous. These aren’t even interesting royalty anyway. Kind of like the Paris Hilton of the royalty world. Sure, you know who they are, but what did they ever do? This isn’t Czar Nicholas for fuck sake. They’re figureheads. Royalty doesn’t even mean anything anymore really. Not since WWI and WWII. It’s gone. It’s dead. It’s over.
But, some people still cling. I admit, it is a romantic notion and the past sounds very pretty, but what’s gone is gone. We should be spending our time focusing on things that are still real. Like Charlie Sheen’s career.