The Royal Wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William is over! Everybody can stop reporting on it now! It’s done! Finished! Caput! Over with! There is no more need for endless news articles popping up on all the news sites all the time! It’s happened! Move on to more important issues!
I never even cared about this stupid wedding anyway. I never wanted to see what dress Kate Middleton was going to wear. I didn’t care where her bachelorette party was going to be. I didn’t give a shit what kind of cake they were going to have. Especially since I wasn’t invited.
There are important things happening in the world and this Royal Wedding news coverage is taking attention away from them. For instance, why did Bree Olsen leave Charlie Sheen? What is the status of Lindsay Lohan’s appeal? I need to know this shit! I need to know and all the Royal Wedding coverage is making it just that much harder for me to find out about these much more relevant issues.
In any event, the Royal Wedding is old news now. News sources, please stop talking about Kate Middleton and Prince William. Return to covering Charlie Sheen, Linsday Lohan, and whatever other vapid news you would otherwise be covering instead of talking about the foreign conflicts we are involved in, what is being done to fix the economy, the debate about health care, and all those other boring and critical issues.
At least until either Kate Middleton or Prince William have an affair or a domestic violence episode. Then you can leap right back on that shit. Then we’d have some news that the American people really need to hear about.