I Figured Out Why The Rapture Didn’t Happen on May, 21, 2011!!!!!

I just figured out what may be the most sought after answer of our modern age, why the rapture didn’t happen on May 21, 2011.  I hate to keep posting about this repeatedly, but this one just came to me as a flash and it seems like people would really want to know this.  Then again, maybe they don’t.  Regardless, I felt the need to share.

Now, I don’t have real evidence to base this one.  Then again, the people who predicted that the rapture was going to occur on May 21 didn’t really have any either.  If they can use strange, subjectively interpretable sorts of things to do their predictions, then I figure I can do the same to further analyze the aforementioned predictions.

It came to me as a flash.  I was thinking about how many different immediately upcoming dates have been selected as the date for the armageddon.  There have been hundreds.  By no means is this something new.  Some predict based on numerological analysis of religious texts, some claim information received from the divine, others perhaps rely on the date functions in Outlook.  However they get the dates, I thought about just how many different have been claimed and how this keeps happeneing even though the rapture never seems to occur when it is supposed to.

Then, in a strange unconnected way, I was remembering all the flight delays I experienced on the way back from my recent trip to Egypt.  Suddenly, in the same way that people often come up with ridiculously specific end of times prediction dates, I knew the answer!  Wham!  Airlines!  Airlines are the problem!  That’s why the rapture keeps getting set and then delayed!  It isn’t that the predictors are wrong, it’s that the date keeps getting moved by the airlines!  It makes perfect sense!

You see, I thought perhaps God didn’t just feel like floating the faithful up to heaven using his own powers.  He/she/it will be pretty busy on that day after all.  Perhaps God contracted with the airlines to transport the faithful (you might not think there would be enough airline capacity to handle all the faithful, but I’m not sure that many people on Earth would be included in the faithful anyway).  The airlines, true to normal experience here on Earth, keep delaying this bodily transportation.  As a result, God has no choice but to delay the date of the rapture, though the airlines do appologize to him for the inconvenience.

Now, I fully admit that I could be wrong on this.  I think that if there is a rapture coming that the nature of God is so far beyond human understanding that we probably won’t know it is coming until it is here (seems like it would be easy to cheat anyway and repent unfairly if we really knew it was coming anyway).  Still, you have to admit, airline delays are an interestingly tempting explanation regarding why the date of the armegeddon gets put off time and time again.  I wonder if that means that the faithful will get peanuts or pretzels as well as soft drinks on their way to heaven.

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About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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2 Responses to I Figured Out Why The Rapture Didn’t Happen on May, 21, 2011!!!!!

  1. I’m not claiming to be one of the faithful, but if there are frequent flyer miles involved, I might try a little harder.

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