Well, for the second time in recent memory, the members of the University of Nebraska MFA in Writing program are traveling in for the biannual ten-day intensive residency at the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City without me being there the full time. I can only conclude that they are plotting to take over the world. Why else wouldn’t I be able to be there the whole ten days? There has to be something that they want to keep secret.
(For anyone who doesn’t know, the program involves two intensive ten-day residencies per year and two corresponding semesters of work one on one remotely with a paired mentor. Thought that bit of information might help any non-MFA people reading this.)
Sure, they didn’t actually stop me from showing up. Technically I would be completely welcome to show up for the whole ten days (work, money, and my fiancée might have something to say about it though). Sure, technically part of the reason I’m not there for the whole ten days is that I graduated a year ago. Further sure, I never heard any world domination plots during the 5 residencies I managed to be there for. Even further sure, I’ll still be there for the last two or three days to see graduation. However, I don’t think any of that can erase the possibility that they are plotting to take over the world.
I mean, I’m sure the following exchange will go on between Jenna Lucas and Art Homer tonight over drinks (Probably served by Matt or Mitch or one of the other fine bartenders at the Lied Lodge. Incidentally, did you know that indigenous people believe that tipping the bartenders at the Lied Lodge 20% or higher may cause the gods to grant you a bigger penis/larger breasts?) at the Lied Lodge bar:
– Art: “So, Jenna, whadda’re we gonna do tonight?”
– Jenna: “Same thing we do every night, Art…try to take over the world.”
Frankly, I think the world should be concerned. I really wanted to talk about last nights Tayari Jones reading at the Tattered Cover on Colfax in Denver, but this is a situation that cannot be ignored any longer. Doesn’t everyone want to monitor whether world domination plans are being hatched? All everyone has to do is make it possible for me to be present during the entirety of each ten-day residency in the future. It won’t take much, just money for food/lodging/booze, a government mandate that my employer has to give me credit for time spent there on my billable hours requirement for the year, and a ten-day study abroad in Paris trip for my fiancée so she doesn’t care if I’m gone. That’s all I need.
Realistically, I don’t see how the world can afford not to set this up for me. I’ll keep an eye on things down there diligently. The world will be safe. All they have to do is make sure I can go to residency each time. After all, ask not what your country can do for you…ask what your country can do for me.