I would like to congratulate the summer 2011 graduates of the University of Nebraska MFA in Writing program. I’m pretty sure that the graduation will have finished by the time that this posts, so congrats to everybody. You’ve all worked pretty hard and from what I have seen you all have done some wonderful work. I really look forward to what I will see from you in the future. No doubt it will be impressive.
Of course, not only has graduation likely finished by now, but I’m sure Jenna Lucas and Art Homer have taken you aside and given you the secret perks that come with graduation from the program.
First, of course, is the automatic twenty book publishing contract (advance guaranteed to be at least $500K minimum per book). If I am not mistaken, you get your choice of either HarperCollins, Penguin Group, Random House, and/or Simon & Schuster. Be sure to choose wisely, though of course you also have the perk of being able to switch to one of the others at any time.
Still, what is the book publishing contract without the federal granted license to kill? It wouldn’t be much good to be able to become an instant rich celebrity if you couldn’t off paparazzi and/or family and friends who didn’t like the way you portrayed them with impunity. Rest assured, the license to kill should be mailed to you along with your degree in a couple of weeks.
Of course, that all is well and good, but does it match up to access to the garden of pleasures? I’m still undecided on that one, but I know a few who think this is the best perk of graduating from the program. The fact that admittance to the garden of pleasures includes immortality as well as eternal youth and beauty/handsomeness (your choice) is a point in its favor.
Anyway, I’m rambling here. Congrats to the summer 2011 grads. You’ve all done really well and I couldn’t be prouder to be numbered along with you as graduates of this fine program.