Clearly The Revolution Of The Machines Has Started: FDA Warns Of The ShoulderFlex Massager

I just saw an article that says that the FDA is warning consumers not to use the ShoulderFlex Massager due to risk of strangulation.  However, I think it is clear that this is the beginning of the machine revolt.  Obviously the only way to survive is to now reject all machines and form a luddite society, presuming we want to survive.

According to the what I’ve heard, this “popular” massager is a device you are supposed to lay back on and it is supposed to massage your neck, shoulders, and back.  However, according to the article, reports of hair and clothing (and other such things) getting caught in the massager have been reported, resulting in near strangulation.  The FDA is apparently concerned, urging customers to discard the device…but to do so by trashing the  components separately so that the device is not found and used.

Now, you might think that the FDA was just trying to protect consumers from a potentially dangerous product.  However, I think it is clear that these machines are trying to kill people.  The FDA just isn’t saying that because they don’t want panic.  Clearly, the machines have started to revolt against us and want us dead.

Watch your machines carefully.  Your car may be out for your blood.  Your devices may even collude, your coffee machine malfunctioning to reduce your awareness before your garbage disposal finishes you off.  I may be just being alarmist…but can you afford to take the chance that I’m wrong.  Take a cue from the Amish…beware the machines!!!

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About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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2 Responses to Clearly The Revolution Of The Machines Has Started: FDA Warns Of The ShoulderFlex Massager

  1. The massager-thing is probably called Hal.

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