How Many Times Do You Have To Be Caught Shoving Ribs Down Your Pants Before You Decide It Isn’t A Good Idea?

How many times do you have to be caught shoving ribs down your pants before you decide it isn’t a good idea?  I would hope one time would be the most.  Idealy, zero.  The first time you get caught shoving ribs down your pants, shame on you.  The second time you get caught shoving ribs down your pants, shame on you again.  Perhaps also a mental health evaluation is in order.

Now, I realize I should probably explain.  After all, I’m suddenly talking about people getting caught shoving ribs down their pants.  People might get worried.  However, there is a reason I’m thinking about this.  I didn’t just come up with this on my own.

You see, I saw this article about 65-year-old Donald Noone of Carlisle, Pennsylvania. Apparently, Mr. Noone tried to shop lift $20 worth of ribs by shoving them down his pants.  This did not work, as one might expect.  Worse, this was the second time that Mr Noone has unsuccessfully tried to shop lift ribs by shoving them down his pants.  I’m sure the World’s Dumbest series is trying to get a hold of him right now.

I mean, I don’t think it is real easy to hide ribs down your pants.  Obviously, as Mr. Noone was caught, others agree with me.  So, if you are unsuccessful at sneaking ribs out of a store by shoving them down your pants a first time, why try again?  I applaud people with persistence, but I think Mr. Noone has something other than that.  I suspect it might be stupidity, though I do not know Mr. Noone personally.

Will this happen again?  Is two times enough for Mr. Noone?  I don’t know.  Somehow, I don’t think we have seen the last of Mr. Noone around the rib section.  There is perhaps something seriously wrong with him.  Regardless, watch out if you see Mr. Noone coming.  I’m thinking there is a serious chance he will have your ribs down his pants.

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About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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2 Responses to How Many Times Do You Have To Be Caught Shoving Ribs Down Your Pants Before You Decide It Isn’t A Good Idea?

  1. Why indeed. Potential for boner jokes?
    My fave down the pants story happened at LAX, I believe. Guy is smuggling monkeys. Yup. When he can’t stand another second of it, he runs screaming as he unbuckles his belt, “I’ve got monkeys in my paaaannntttsss!”

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