Police Say They Don’t Know Why They Had To Free A Man Stuck In A Hollow Tree, But I Do (Keebler Elves)

Okay, you really have to read the article for this one.  If nothing else, you have to see the picture they have.  They actually took a snapshot of the guy stuck in the hollow tree before getting him out.  And they gave it to the news.

All right, now the facts.  The article doesn’t say who this guy was, but apparently somewhere in Southern California someone heard some screaming coming from a creek bed and found him stuck in a hollow tree.  Apparently the tree had a hollow trunk that extended about four or five feet underground and a hole near the base (where the guy was stuck).  It took firefighters 90 minutes to get this guy out.  I now quote the article “Lt. Roland Chacon says it’s unknown why the man climbed into the hole near the base of the tree.”

However, I know why the dude climbed into the hollow tree.  And, I will tell you.  The answer is simple.  The answer is Keebler Elves.

Think about it!  Who lives in hollow trees?  The Keebler Elves.  Obviously this dude was looking for some cookies and climbed into the tree to find the Keebler Elves.  Surprise them while baking and steal some cookies or something.

Admittedly, Keebler cookies are good.  I can understand the guy this far.  Grasshoppers?  Fudge Stripes?  Delicious.  However, I have to say to this guy: “THEY SELL THESE COOKIES IN STORES!”  I mean, there’s no need to sneak into the lair of the Keebler Elves and steal cookies.  They’ll sell ’em to you…you just have to go to the store.  It’s like Klondike bars.  What would you do for one?  Would you pay for it?  They’re only like a buck or so.  No need to do anything special like kill a hobo or dress like a chicken and run through a Santeria convention screaming “Buck buck BUCKAW!”

Now, maybe this guy was walking in the woods and got hungry with no time to go to the store.  Maybe he didn’t have any money and decided to turn to a life of cookies crime.  Regardless of his motives though, I’ve got to say that this was a poor plan.  Those damn elves are sneaky.  There was no way he was going to catch them like this.

About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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1 Response to Police Say They Don’t Know Why They Had To Free A Man Stuck In A Hollow Tree, But I Do (Keebler Elves)

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