You Must Be Able To Think Quickly, Kevin Gaylor Obviously Cannot

It is important to be able to think quickly as Kevin Gaylor of Colorado Springs found out.  Say you meet a girl online and invite her to your house late at night.  Only problem, your girlfriend comes home first.  What do you do?  Report the new girl as a burglar?  Bbbbzzzzzztttttt!!!!!! Wrong answer!

Well, this was the actually the best that Kevin Gaylor was able to come up with.  Obviously, he is not the sharpest tool in the shed.  After all, is there any way this could work?  No, there is not.  The new girl is bound to say something about not being a burglar.  There is probably some kind of record of the online communication inviting her over that she can use to prove Gaylor is a liar.  In fact, the truth (as one might expect) came out pretty easily and Gaylor was charged with making a false report.

Smooth moove, Gaylor.  Not only are you in trouble with your girlfriend, but now you are in trouble with the cops as well.  Way to think on your feet there.

Frankly, if Gaylor was going to pull some kind of shit like this, he needed to be able to think of something quick.  Perhaps something like: “Oh, pizza girl…why did you forget the pizza?”  Is it good?  No.  However, it had a better chance of working than what Gaylor tried and would not have resulted in him being charged.

I just think back to this old bad joke a friend told me.  A guy got ready and left for work, but he realized partway to the office that he forgot his briefcase.  He went back to his house to get it and found his wife and the milkman naked in the bedroom.  Thinking quickly, the milkman squatted and said: “Thank goodness you’re here, Mr. Johnson.  I just told your wife that if she doesn’t pay the milk bill I’m going to shit all over the floor.”

Gaylor needed that kind of wit.  Alas, he did not have it.

About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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