Warning About Making Coffee Table From Coffee Beans

I woke up one morning and decided that I was going to make a coffee table. I don’t mean a normal coffee table, I had one of those already. I meant a coffee table made out of coffee beans. The entire plan was formed in my head by the time I woke up.

I’d need pounds and pounds of coffee beans. I was going to make a mold by wrapping pieces of cardboard in duct tape and then duct taping the pieces into a frame for the table. Then I’d fill the mold with coffee beans and pour contact adhesive into the beans. The contact adhesive would flow into the beans and set, forming the table. Perfect, right?

Well, like many of my ideas, it did not work out quite as I’d envisioned. Here’s where the warning comes in: if you decide to make a coffee table out of coffee beans, don’t just pour beans into a mold and then pour gallons of contact adhesive down inside. You’d imagine that this would all stay in the mold and eventually set…but you’d be wrong.

You see, despite the fact that I’d sealed the mold well with duct tape, the weight of the contact adhesive apparently forced the contact adhesive out the bottom. It just forced its way through the tape and pooled on the floor. Luckily, I’d done this out on my patio, though the Astroturf rug that was glued to the floor of the patio was ruined. Enough of the contact adhesive stayed in the beans to glue them together and make a coffee table, but it also made a hell of a mess.

Therefore, should you decide to make a coffee table out of coffee beans, heed my warning. Perhaps you should mix the beans with the contact adhesive and then pour the mixture in the mold. Maybe that would work out better.

(Addition: here is a photo of the coffee table:


About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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