In an amazing turn of events, Ralph Nader has won the 2012 presidential election! This news has shocked the country, particularly as Nader was not even running this time. However, Nader apparently managed this tremendous upset using a little known “dibs” rule left over in a little known clause of the constitution.
“Heck,” Nader commented. “I’m as surprised as anyone that this worked. Everybody was so busy shouting and arguing with each other, though, that I called dibs on the presidency and no one noticed. I don’t think anyone else had even read the constitution enough to find the “dibs” clause.
Constitutional scholars were unable to explain the presence of the so-called “dibs” clause, or why no one had ever found it before. “We think it was probably slipped in by someone from Rhode Island while everybody else was arguing about something else. No one ever paid attention to the guys from Rhode Island anyway,” constitutional scholars commented, shrugging.
However, apparently Nader, having spent so much time over the years researching and working because most of the country didn’t listen to him anyway, happened across it and jumped on his chance. He immediately called “dibs” on the presidency. As a result, Nader is now the 2012 presidential election winner…regardless of the outcome of the vote.
Obama and Romney campaigns could not be reached for comment. Analysts believe both camps are too busy kicking themselves for not having discovered the “dibs” clause first.