Ways I Could Waste The 500 Million Dollar Record Powerball Jackpot

As one might expect, the $500 million record Powerball jackpot has people in a bit of a Powerball frenzy. This is exactly what Powerball was hoping for, so I suppose it is no surprise. It should also be no surprise that I’m thinking about it like everyone else.

However, given the fact that this is such an obscene amount of money, I was just thinking of ways I could utterly waste the entire amount. I figured I could pretty easily, if I ever won. I am an American, after all. I can squander any amount of money I come across.

Regardless, here are a few ideas (yeah, I know the cash value wouldn’t really by $500 million, but let’s ignore that for now):

– Give each official Paris resident (population approximately 2,200,000) a $2 Walmart gift certificate so they can buy something nice for themselves. There could be a few extra gift cards, but I’m sure enough people from the suburbs will get in line that it’ll all work out.

– Self publish approximately 20,000 books with Simon & Schuster.

– Buy approximately 2140 2012 Ferrari 458 Italias and have them all delivered to the Mariana Trench in the oddest demonstration in support of public transportation ever.

– Pick up approximately 30,321,406 30 packs of PBR (assuming $16.49 retail per 30 pack) and become the most popular hipster in the world.

– Wait until the Powerball jackpot hits $1 billion, buy 250,000,000 tickets (no powerplay), and try to REALLY make some money.

Mind you, I doubt that I would do any of these particular things. If I actually won the Powerball, I would probably hoard my money like a greedy little miser, muttering like Daffy Duck for the rest of my life. However, given the extreme (EXTREME) unlikelihood that I will win the Powerball…we can just pretend that I would have done one of the above things.

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About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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