Why My Homeowner’s Insurance Should Cover Getting A Manservant

I firmly believe that my homeowner’s insurance should cover the cost of me getting a manservant. They appear to disagree with this. However, if they’d just stop to consider the issue a moment, I’m sure they’d agree it’s a good idea.

After all, the health insurance industry has known for years that it is far cheaper to provide coverage for preventative care than to be on the hook for conditions that could have been easily prevented. Annual physicals are much cheaper than having to correct conditions that worsen and become more costly as diagnosis is delayed.

Why can’t the home insurance industry learn from this? Obviously, me having a manservant is akin to preventative care.

I mean, I’m only half awake when I get up in the morning for work. I have to get coffee, get in the shower, get dressed, and all that. Do you know how many chances for accidents there are in all that while I’m half asleep? Can I count how many times I’ve found my empty coffee cup in the fridge instead of waiting on the counter? I could have a massive shaving accident. I could fall down the stairs. I could accidentally do a hundred different things that could result in a giant claim for my homeowner’s insurance. But, a manservant could change all that.

After all, my manservant would bring me my coffee. He would shave me. He would monitor my movements until I was sufficiently awake so that I did not brush my teeth with hand soap or some such thing. He would protect me…and I would call him Basil (pronounced Bah-Zhil, naming him Jeeves would just be asking for trouble).

However, my homeowner’s insurance has yet to be convinced. I’ll keep trying, but to be honest mornings take so much out of me I’m not sure I have much energy left to convince them.

About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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