Ten Reasons Why Pope Benedict Probably Didn’t Resign

I just heard that Pope Benedict resigned. Now, I’m not Catholic, but I understand that this is big news. I don’t think popes resign all that often. According to the article I saw, he resigned because his age and health are too bad to continue as pope. I’m seeing a lot of speculation about other reasons, but I thought I’d give a few reasons why he probably didn’t resign:

– Pope Benedict just won the Powerball and doesn’t need this crap anymore.

– Pope Benedict couldn’t take the hats anymore.

– Pope Benedict figured he could make more money in the private sector.

– Pope Benedict wants to live it up a little while he’s still young.

– Pope Benedict got an offer to be the lead singer for Metallica and figured he needed to take his shot.

– Pope Benedict told the Vatican he wanted a raise or he was walking and by god, he wasn’t kidding.

– Pope Benedict wanted time to find himself.

– Pope Benedict finally put his foot down about the boss calling him ‘Benny’ all the time.

– Pope Benedict has actually been a Scientologist this entire time and couldn’t live the lie anymore.

– Pope Benedict finally got fed up with having to draft TPS reports.

I admit, this post is pretty pointless…giving reasons why the pope probably didn’t retire. My opinion is even less important given that I’m not Catholic. However, I just thought I should weigh in seeing as my viewpoint on this is completely irrelevant.

About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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