My wife is still on her girls only trip to the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas. I think it’s time to booby trap the house.
You see, I happened to find these screaming personal alarms online. They’re $27 each, but I think they might be worth it. When you pull the chain, they apparently scream really, really loud. There are definitely some possibilities here.
Since my wife left me on my own for so long, I think I should position these in various places of hers around the house. I could put them in her dresser drawers, attach them to various clothing items in her closet, hide them inside the kitchen cup boards that mainly store her stuff, sneak them into the trunk of the car, and so on. All I have to do is fix them such that the chain gets pulled when she opens whatever.
My wife goes to get a pair of socks: AAAAIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
My wife opens the trunk to load up groceries at Target: AAAAIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
My wife gets clothes out of the closet when getting dressed in the morning: AAAAIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
The possibilities are endless. Hidden well, this could go on for months, whether or not she kills me first. At $27 a shot, it could get a bit pricey. However, you can’t really put a price on teaching my wife that it is better not to leave me on my own.