Why I Should Be Allowed To Own A Bear

I would like to state my case as to why I should be able to own a bear. Admittedly, I have not been directly told that I cannot own a bear. However, I see no reason to actually wait for a denial in order to make my case. Let’s just consider this preemptive.

1. I am responsible. I am not the sort of person who would own a bear and then not take care of it. I would not forget to feed my bear, causing it to break into my neighbor’s houses looking for food. I would take good care of my bear.

2. Though my place is only around a thousand finished square feet, I make good use of space. I am sure that I would provide an adequate home environment for my bear.

3. I would not exploit my bear. Though it is entirely possible that I would try to get my bear to wear clown outfits and ride a unicycle, I would only encourage my bear to do so. Whether or not the bear complied would entirely depend on my bear. I would not dream of forcing my wishes onto my bear.

4. I would not name my bear “Yogi,” or “Boo Boo.” I am not a monster.

5. Bears beat Battlestar Galactica. Everyone knows this. However, I do not own any dvds or anything similar of Battlestar Galactica. Thus, I would be able to provide a conflict-free zone in which my bear could live.

Based at least one these above reasons, I believe that no one can legitimately deny that I should be able to own a bear. Local ordinances and/or other applicable law regarding bear ownership aside, I have stated my case.

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About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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