Please Don’t Explain The Elf On A Shelf Thing To Me

I’ve been hearing a lot of people talk about something called the elf on a shelf recently. I have no idea what this is. However, I do know that I do not want to know. Do not explain what the elf on a shelf is to me.

I’m guessing that an elf on a shelf is some little stuffed elf you are supposed to stick on a shelf. At least, that’s what the name implies. I can condone nothing about this, presuming I’m correct. It sounds kitschy and possibly supportive of elf captivity. It can’t possibly be good.

I am not fond of kitsch. I am not fond of useless things to clutter up my house. Though I am not fond of elves, I do not support keeping them in captivity. I also do not generally like fad products, particularly useful ones.

Elves do not belong on shelves. Books belong on shelves. If you put an elf on a shelf, you lose valuable book space. Do not do this.

However, if other people want elves on shelves that’s fine…as long as they don’t make me participate. I don’t know and I don’t want to know. Keep your elf stuff and explanations to yourself. Nothing good can possibly come from me finding out more about this.

About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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4 Responses to Please Don’t Explain The Elf On A Shelf Thing To Me

  1. CeaseCows says:

    The Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea do not condone elf captivity, though they also do not own any shelves.

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