This just in! The Koch brothers have been ruined! Charles G. Koch and David H. Koch, wealthy industrialists and conservative political masterminds, have been tricked out of all their money! Sources point to a conspiracy involving Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, and frozen orange juice concentrate futures.
According to reports, the Koch brothers had a bet that they could turn a rich man poor and a poor man rich. As such, they manipulated Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd to turn Mr. Murphy into a stockbroker and Mr. Aykroyd into a prostitutes companion. However, Murphy and Aykroyd got wise and decided to turn the tables, working out a complex scheme involving a fraudulent crop report and the area of the stock market trading floor dedicated to frozen orange juice concentrate futures.
The Koch brothers were bankrupted.
It is unknown at this time what involvement Jamie Lee Curtis may have had in all of this, though rumors indicate that she played some part. However, there are always rumors about Curtis.
Frankly, the only hope that the Koch brothers have is that Eddie Murphy will at some point be an African prince who is trying to find a bride in America and needs to dispose of the petty cash that his assistant has ordered from the king without authorization. Only then could they be back in business.
The nation will just have to wait and see.
