BizarroCon 2014 wrapped up this last Sunday. Though I didn’t attend the convention, I was following along with a bizarre set of related circumstances that formed an odd parallel to the convention.
You see, bizarro fiction writer Mark Allen Berryhill provided live updates of what turned out to be a bizarre attempt to get to the convention on a greyhound bus. Originally scheduled to arrive sometime in the early afternoon on the 13th, I believe due to various disasters (route delays due to buses being unable to travel through storms, buses he had to wait to catch being delayed due to storms, the bus he was on getting hit by another vehicle, and/or other similar such) he arrived in on the morning of the 15th. The convention ended on the 16th.
However, that isn’t what I want to talk about here. Mark has already talked about the debacle. What I want to talk about is how unimaginative the universe proved to be. Storm route delays? Buses for the next part of the route arriving late due to storms? Accidents caused by storms? It’s all the same thing. BORING!
Clearly, the universe needs a little help coming up with other things to delay Mark with should he ever take a greyhound again. Here are some ideas:
– Mark is exposed to radiation causing him to morph into a green, incredibly strong and anger-filled monster every time he gets angry, resulting in Mark having to roam the country and not reach his scheduled destination until he learns to control the terrible rage that dwells within him.
– A dimensional portal opens due to the occurrence of the “greatest earthquake ever known,” causing Mark’s bus to be swept down a thousand foot waterfall (and backwards through time) into a dinosaur filled past.
– An experiment of Mark’s goes awry and he has to take the place of other people, putting right what once went wrong, until he finally makes the leap that takes him to his actual destination.
– Two words: the Doctor.
– The infinite improbability drive of a passing spacecraft turns Mark’s bus into a sperm whale and a bowl of petunias.
There you go universe. Plenty of ideas to work with. Let’s keep Mark’s life interesting. Don’t be so lazy next time.