Proof That God Answers Prayers

This article just proved to me that God answers prayers. Amusingly, she/he/it does not always apparently answer them positively.

According to the article, Hiram Jimenez bent down over his sizzling plate of hot fajitas at Applebee’s in order to pray. The grease popped at that moment and Hiram was burned on his face, neck, and arms. Clearly, God was answering Jimenez’s prayer in a negative fashion. Clearly.

“Dear Lord: Thank you for this food.”

“Dear Hiram: I hate you and didn’t have anything to do with giving you those fajitas. That was your server. If it were up to me, you’d have starved. In fact…take this!”

Proof, clear and convincing. This is yet another reason why Discordians do not pray. It’s far too dangerous.

Oh, and apparently a court decided that Hiram couldn’t hold Applebee’s legally responsible for the fact that he was foolish enough to bow his face over a sizzling plate of greasy fajitas, even if it was for the purposes of prayer. That’s what the article is actually about, but I didn’t think that was as significant as the religious implications.

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About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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