Whiskey Limits Humanity’s Dreams Of Space

Well, whiskey is apparently going to limit humanity’s dreams of space. They’ve been aging whiskey up on the international space station and have discovered that zero gravity apparently inhibits whiskey from extracting flavor from the oak wood. This has drastic implications for humanity’s exploration of space. This likely impacts bourbon as well.

After all, our ability to explore space depends on a number of factors. Artificial climate systems, propulsion, many technological developments are necessary to get us into deeper space. To really explore, we need a ship that can be self contained for multiple generations of the astronauts on board, at least until some really dramatic new propulsion system is devised. However, we apparently can’t make good whiskey in that kind of situation.

How are we going to get people to go then?

Seriously, multiple generations without whiskey? Bourbon? It apparently has to be made on planet or something to be done right. Thus, no multiple generation astronaut ships. Some might say they could just bring enough whiskey with them, but cargo limitations would likely prevent there from being enough. No, multi generation ships need to be able to make whiskey on board. We’ll just never get very far into space without it.

What’s the solution then? Artificial gravity for whiskey aging? Age whiskey for much longer than normal to compensate? I don’t know, but obviously this is a serious blow to significant space exploration for the human race.

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About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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