I went to wish a writer friend of mine a happy birthday on Facebook recently. He had posted that it was a tradition to comment on one of his birthday posts with the most vulgar, disgusting, and gross things we could find in order to drive him off the Internet. He indicated this was that post and was eager to see what we came up with. I was so narcissistically proud of mine that I’m going to share it here.
I can’t help laughing at my own joke. I know it’s sad.
Now, most people were taking this completely seriously. All of the offerings were pretty bad, some completely horrifying. However, I decided to go with a little more of a cerebral response to “vulgar, disgusting, and gross things” that would “drive him off the Internet.” This is what I commented: