I Love My Cats

Imagine you’re out later than normal, seeing a production of An American in Paris, so that you get home only 15 minutes before bed. Imagine rushing around to get what you need to done before bed, getting to bed only 20 minutes late, but having driven your blood pressure way up so it’s going to be hard to get to sleep.

Of course, the cats were supposed to be fed at 8 and you didn’t feed them until 10:45, making them panic and bolt down their food as quick as they could, which is why just as you’re starting to get to sleep at about half past midnight (remember, you have to get up for a full workday at 6AM), you realize there is a cat puking on you.

Yes! Puking on you. On the bed, on your blanket, on your hands as you try to grab the cat and do something. It’s half past midnight, you’re so tired and half asleep that you can’t think straight, and there is cat vomit everywhere. Soaking into the bed, your blanket, you, and so on.

You frantically try to clean up so you can get back to bed and try to get some kind of sleep. You wash your hands. You have to run downstairs to get stuff to clean the vomit off the bed. The blanket is so far gone that you have to wash it and try to find another. No, best not to let it soak in until morning…better run it now even though it will make noise as you try to sleep. No, the blanket you grab will not be warm enough and you’ll sleep even more poorly due to being uncomfortable. Yes, you’ll have to run downstairs to put the cleaning stuff away, then back to get the stuff again when you find more puke upon coming back upstairs, then down again to put the stuff away again.

The cat responsible watches you from a nearby hiding spot the whole time.

Then the cats walk all over you the rest of the night, disturbing what little sleep you can possibly get. The one sleeping by your head keeps getting up to turn around, kicking your head occasionally when not doing that. The multiple ones on your legs come and go, shifting most of the night.

You do manage to finally sleep, but wake up a little before your alarm goes off anyway. Your head burns and your eyes feel like you’d rubbed salt into them.

I love my cats.


About David S. Atkinson

David S. Atkinson enjoys typing about himself in the third person, although he does not generally enjoy speaking in such a fashion. However, he is concerned about the Kierkegaard quote "Once you label me you negate me." He worries that if he attempts to define himself he will, in fact, nullify his existence...
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