Celebrating Stories

I hit a milestone on my short stories recently and though milestones just keep me happy and aren’t actually important, I felt like celebrating a little. I thought I’d share a list of all of my stories that have been accepted over the years outside of my collections that were put together as a full book. Some are accessible online, some not, and a few are still forthcoming. Regardless, here is the list:

“The French Have Some Explaining to do Regardless Whether or not the Irish Authorize the Mortgage Refinance,” to be published in Issue 9 (June 15) of formercactus.

“‘Psychomania’ Resulted in the Deaths of Hundreds of Angst-Riddled Teenagers, but the Important Thing is that the Crap About the Toad Made No God Damned Sense,” to be published March 9, 2018 in Five 2 One Magazine‘s #thesideshow.

“Not Everyone Gets to be an Astronaut so Don’t Hold Your Breath Trying to Practice,” to be published March 26, 2018 in Spelk.

“The Indoctrination of Little Bee,” to be published April 22, 2018 in Fictive Dream.

“First Night of Work” to be published in the addiction anthology Cheeseburger Nebula Galactic Press is putting together.

“Colloidal Suspensions Are Mixtures of Small Particles Dispensed in Gas or Liquids Regardless Whether You Had a Building Permit When They were Made or Not” published February 2, 2018 by Punch Drunk Press.

“A Dog is Just a Human With More Hair Anyway and We Didn’t Feel Like Walking All the Way to the Gas Station” published December 8, 2017 at Philosophical Idiot‏.

“The Flavor of that Brach’s Milk Maid Royal Was Either Memory or Prophecy, Though that was Overwhelmed by Vanilla Caramel” published December 8, 2017 in Vol 3 No 2 Fall/Winter 2017 of the Mojave River Review.

“A Nickel is Not a Quarter and Nachos Aren’t Even an Option” published December 1, 2017 in Dodging The Rain.

“No Way Out Once Inside” published January 5, 2018 at Ellipsis Zine.

“Sir James Frazer Determined the Maytag Repairman was a Modernization of the Flying Dutchman Legend, but he Forgot by the Time He Sobered Up Enough to Find Paper and Never Wrote it Down” published December 10, 2017 in KLEFT JAWFall/Winter 2017 ISSUE #11.

“Plumbing Facilities in the City of New Orleans May Be the Most Memorable Thing About the Trip” published October 13, 2017 at Philosophical Idiot‏.

“John Henry Was a Blue Steel-Providing Man” published October 3, 2017 at Friday Flash Fiction.

“Counting Cards Without Using Numbers” published October 5, 2017 in issue 9 of Boston Accent Lit.

“The Only Reason We Were Drinking Mellow Yellow in the First Place Was Because it Was Only 49 Cents” published October 21, 2017 in Occulum.

“Coriolis Was Not One of Shakespeare’s Better Plays Regardless of Any Titular Character’s Desire to Serve the Public” published in issue 21 (December 2017) of Thrice Fiction.

“Mission Instructions May Differ, but That’s No Reason We Can’t All Have a Picnic in the Park” published July 26, 2017 Philosophical Idiot‏.

“International Incidents and White Beans, Not to Mention a Duck” published May 17, 2017 in the Flash Special May 2017 17.5 issue of Blue Fifth Review‘s Blue Five Notebook Series.

“God Bless Us, Everyone” published March 19, 2017 in issue 167 of Squawk Back.

“There is Some Significance to These Things, Even When Cut off From the Original Structures of the Past” published in the Spring 2017 issue of Midnight Circus.

“Histamine” published in the May 2017 issue of The Airgonaut.

“All I Wanted Was Coffee, but Van Gogh Had to Play His Little Game” published June 23, 2017 at Jellyfish Review.

“90% of All Sourdough Turtles Break Apart in the Water on Their Very First Trip to the Sea” published February 15, 2017 in True Truth Serum Vol. 1 from Truth Serum Press. Also as Kindle, Kobo, ePub, NOOKBook, and iBook.

“Big Wheel Keeps on Turning, Little Wheel Abandoned Its Spouse and Children to Pursue Its Dreams of Becoming a Part-Time Mime in Spain” published January 22, 2017 in Five 2 One Magazine‘s #thesideshow.

“Time is to Space as Frankfurters are to that Guy Who Hangs Out at Home Depot Asking If You Want to Borrow His Punky Brewster DVDs” published February 2017 in Blink-Ink #26 Space.

“Michael Rennie was There the Day I Forgot my Bus Pass, But He Told Me Which Metro Line Went to the Ziegfeld Follies” published November 28, 2016 in issue #26 of The Harpoon Review.

“Desperately Seeking Sea Level” published in the November 2016 issue of The Airgonaut.

“Ten Gallon Hats Full of Cottage Cheese and the Grassroots Movement to Free K” published December 13, 2016 in Freak Pure Slush Vol. 13. Also available as an iBook, Kindle, Kobo, Nook, and an ePub.

“Continental Breakfasts Sound Fancy so You Don’t Realize It’s a God Damned Muffin and You Should Have Just Gone to Tim Hortons” published September 25, 2016 in the September/Motel issue of Flash Frontier.

“Finnegan on the Case” published May 31, 2017 in This Zine Will Change Your Life.

“Turns Out The Pizza Hut BOOK IT! Program Was Not for Fleeing Tax Evasion Charges” published September 22, 2016 as part of the cake theme at Pure Slush.

“The Fox-Trot Is Not One of the Twelve Steps” published August 26, 2016 at 50-Word Stories.

“Just Another Day” published September 24, 2016 in the Fall Issue of Midnight Circus.

“In the Beginning, Good Always Overpowered Taxidermied Chipmunks and Free Frosting Wednesdays at Applebee’s” published August 23, 2016 in Summer Pure Slush Vol. 12. Also available as an ePub, an iBook, Kobo, Nook, and on Kindle.

“Night at the Bar- A Predestination Choose Your Own Adventure” published May 27, 2016 in Five 2 One Magazine‘s #thesideshow.

“Lord Rutherford’s Gold Foil Disco Suits Were a Big Hit in Vegas But the Beryllium Earrings Were Simply Gaudy” published June 15, 2016 as part of the mirror theme at Pure Slush.

“An Endless Series of Meaningless Miracles” published June 22, 2016 as an excerpt from Not Quite so Stories in issue 12 (“In the Age of Miracles”) of Midnight Circus.

“Tony Robbins Told Fred to Follow Others’ Dreams Instead of His Own Because They Thought Bigger” published June 10, 2016 in tall…ish Pure Slush Vol. 11! Available at Lulu in print,as an epub, as an iBook, for Kindle, for Kobo, and for Nook.

“Jesse’s Damn Bacon” published March 24, 2016 at Cheeseburger Nebula.

“No Way to Run a Railroad” published April 20, 2016 in issue 24 of Literary Orphans.

“Exxon Stole my Oatmeal” published May 15, 2016 in Issue V, Volume VII of Connotation Press.

“Polident Commercials for Indentured Servitude” published May 15, 2016 in Issue V, Volume VII of Connotation Press.

“Deliberately Missing Henry Kissinger” published May 15, 2016 in Issue V, Volume VII of Connotation Press.

“Marc Summers Instigated the Bloods and Crips War so He Deserves Everything He Gets” published March 23, 2016 as part of the suit theme at Pure Slush.

“Hernández de Biedma Owes Me a Weekend” published May 4, 2016 in the Spring Quarterly – (Spring 2016 / 16.4) of Blue Five Notebook.

“To Kill a Mokkingbird II – Kill Harder by Ahrrper Leeeeee” published February 5, 2015 in Cease, Cows. Thanks to Jon Konrath for letting me use the title and inspiring the story.

“The Philosophical Problem of Original Jam” published July 16, 2015 in Apocrypha and Abstractions.

“The Declaration of Insufficiency: Getting Quality Work Out of ‘The Jeff’” published in issue 20 (December 2, 2014) of Hobo Pancakes.

“Remembering the Grunch at Christmas” published November 26, 2014 accompanying photography by Donigan Artworks in issue 7 of Vintage Boudoir Magazine.

“Working the Phones” published December 2, 2014 accompanying photography by Donigan Artworks in the Winter 2014 issue of Ms. Bombshell Magazine.

“The Semi-Secret Night World of Randy Rubinowski” published in the Fall 2014 (Vol. 5) “While the Moon Shines” issue of Midnight Circus.

“Shell Game Hustle” published in the fall 2014 issue (# 29) of Bachelor Pad Magazine.

“Not Wearing the Pants in the Family” published August 20, 2014 accompanying photography by Donigan Artworks in the Behind the Boudoir Doors Special Issue of Vintage Boudoir Magazine.

“Somebody Misplaced Montana” published in issue 17 (September 2014)  of Used Gravitrons.

“The Las Vegas Strip Disappeared This Morning” published September 9, 2014 Smashed Cat Magazine.

“And Now a Word From Our Sponsor” published August 15, 2014 in Paragraph Line.

“Overfull: Bile and Cider” published August 1, 2014 in the Too Much anthology from Unknown Press.

“Glancing Blow” published October 27, 2014 in the special “Phantom” issue of The Lincoln Underground.

“In Pursuit of Art: Drinking NyQuil at Pharmacies” published May 23, 2014 at Paragraph Line.

“Our Job was Just to Give Them a Show” published in the Summer 2014 issue #6 of Ms. Bombshell Magazine accompanying photography by Donigan Artworks.

“Home Invasion: Single Guy Problems” published in the summer 2014 Invasion and Occupation Vol 4 issue of Midnight Circus. Subsequently republished in the Midnight Circus Anthology Year One.

“I contemplate the humble potato” published April 14, 2014 at Cease, Cows.

“Rewriting James Reed” published April 4, 2014 in the Revenge of the Scammed Anthology to support Eddy Rathke.

“Benjamin Franklin was pissing on my apartment building door” published in Thumbnail 5.

“Pancakes Ain’t the Boss of Me” published March 19, 2014 in the spring 2014 Rejected Dreams issue #3 of Midnight Circus. Subsequently republished in the Midnight Circus Anthology Year One.

“There’s a rabbit living under my kitchen sink….” published January 3, 2014 in Paragraph Line.

“Regarding my Term Paper about the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea” published December 20, 2013 in Cease, Cows.

“Trying to Explain” published November 22, 2013 over at This Zine Will Change Your Life.

“The Things We’re Made Of” published November 18, 2013 as part of Sundog Lit‘s special “A Fight Between Friends: Texts Inspired By Michael Seidlinger’s The Laughter of Strangers” series.

“The Side Grind” in EAB Publishing‘s Midnight Circus issue #2: Classic Lit on the Side (and see my behind the scenes commentary on this story over at EAB Publishing). Subsequently republished in the Midnight Circus Anthology Year One.

“Turndown Service” published in the Spring 2014 issue of The Writing Disorder.

“Kidnapping with Margaret Thatcher” published in Rooster Republic Press‘s flagship bizarro anthology Tall Tales with Short Cocks vol. 4 (Kindle edition can be found here, print edition here).

“Home Improvement” published in issue #4 of C4: The Chamber Four Lit Mag.

“Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!” published in Vol. 8, no. 2 of Wilderness House Literary Review.

“Happy Trails” published June 10, 2013 in Martian Lit.

“They’re All Out To Get Me” published in the April issue of The Fat City Review.

“Changes for the Château” published in Issue 4 (May 2013) of Swamp Biscuits and Tea.

“The Des Moines Kabuki Dinner Theatre” published June 4, 2013 in Bartleby Snopes (story of the month winner for 2013). Subsequently included in issue 10 of the magazine (available here in print or here as a pdf).

“Cents of Wonder Rhymes With Orange” published March 2013 in issue no. 7 of Thrice Fiction (pdf copy of issue available here).

“The Bricklayer’s Ambiguous Morality” published in the Spring 2013 issue of The Lincoln Underground.

“The Unknowable Agenda of Ursines” published October 16, 2012 in issue 43 of “Crack the Spine,” page 6.

“Donkeys Live a Long Time. None of You Has Ever Seen Ethel Merman.” (second story on the page) published in issue 11 of Hobo Pancakes. Subsequently featured on episode 25 of Nathaniel Tower’s Cold Reads.

“Ideas: Where to Get Them and What to Do When They Won’t Leave” published July 9, 2012, in Paragraph Line.

“G-Men” published in the Summer 2012 issue of JMWW.

“The War” published in the Winter 2012 issue of The Writing Disorder. Also published in The Writing Disorder presents The Best Fiction and Nonfiction of 2012.

“Burden of a Little Brother” published in the Summer Issue of The Lincoln Underground.

“Counter Spring” published in Volume 6 of Interrobang?! Magazine. Republished May 28, 2015 over at The Dead Market Writings.

“Context Driven” published in the Spring 2012 issue of The Zodiac Review.

“Domestic Ties” published in August 30, 2011 in Atticus Review.  Also published in the anthology Get Lit, Round 1: Short Fiction.

“Polite Notes of the Dinnertime Neighborly Etiquette Apocalypse” published August 15, 2011 in Brave Blue Mice. Also read as part of InDigest Magazine‘s The Last Reading on Earth, Ever: A Marathon Reading of Apocalyptic Writing (direct link to mine). Republished May 28, 2015 over at The Dead Market Writings.

“But Nothing Was Better” published in the July 2011 issue of Cannoli Pie.

“Boys Chase Girls” published in issue #3 of Split Quarterly.

“Stranger” published in issue #2 of C4: The Chamber Four Lit Mag.

“Training” published in the Volume 228, January 2012 issue ofChildren, Churches and Daddies. Subsequently included in the collection book Cultural Touchstone and the anthology After the apocalypse (prose edition).

“The Virgin Mary Tree” published (live 5/20/2011) in the spring 2011 online edition of Grey Sparrow, also published in the Fall 2011, issue 8, print edition.

“Randolph, Vivian, and Charles” published in the Winter 2007 issue of Fine Lines.

“The Pipe” published in the Summer 2007 issue of Fine Lines.